Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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