someone threw a dead crab at me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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