took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Success! We fucked roommates!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
