Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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