we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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