So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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