a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
