OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
