Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
