Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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