I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
