my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize