Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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