Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
