Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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