Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
