Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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