I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
