had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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