Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
