yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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