i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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