she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
