so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
