i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You're like the curious george of whores
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
