Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're like the curious george of whores
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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