Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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