So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
