I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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