She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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