i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
