I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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