operation have a gay friend backfired
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
