i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
