I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
