I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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