I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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