maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
