I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
