Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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