Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
