..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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