I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
