i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Found your dick twin last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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