someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
