i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
