what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
