Girls should come with a carfax report
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
