he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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