Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You can't motorboat a personality
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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