I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Randomize
