I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just pee around me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
