thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize