I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
