he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
