She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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