I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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