Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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