Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
