He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
