I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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