When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
