No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
