this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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